Sunday, October 23, 2005

Misuse of Toothpaste

My friend Elizabeth called from Oklahoma today. We have been great friends since November 21, 1973 when we got in trouble for playing poker during lunchtime at Fremont Jr High. Out of all of my friends she is the one that I laugh with the most. She lived in the Bay Area for years and she used to come down several times a year to stay the weekend. We bring out the silliness in each other, and we know that when we are visiting that there will be at least one episode of laughter in which tears are streaming down our faces and we cant breathe. Well, now she lives in rural Oklahoma, so the laughs have to come mostly over the phone. Just not the same.
Anyway, she called to tell me about this toothpaste she bought, Crest Vivid White Night in the flavor of Moonlight Mint. They had several other flavors of mint like Invigorating Mint, Refreshing Mint, etc. When I asked her what Moonlight Mint tastes like, she said Mint. Well duh! But since neither of us knows exactly what moonlight tastes like, I got on the Crest website to find out if they knew. Well, apparently this Crest Vivid White Night is a toothpaste that is meant for brushing at night before you go to bed, because it coats your teeth and whitens them while you sleep. I guess that explains the Moonlight Mint title.
So I told Elizabeth that she has been using nighttime toothpaste in the daytime, she had no idea! I mean, since when is there Night Toothpaste? Anyway, it loses something in the translation, but by the end of the conversation we were howling with laughter as usual. I really miss her.
Moral of the story--Read your toothpaste label carefully, who knows what kind of consequences there are for toothpaste misuse?

Thursday, October 13, 2005

I forget I have this thing

Therefore, I forget to post to it. Currently Max is at work, Leo is out with his dad, and I am listening to a cd I picked up in Berkeley yesterday, it's an old one, Computer World by Kraftwerk. I have the song Computer Love on repeat. I cannot stop listening to it, it's so great. The kids have been on break for the last almost 2 weeks, it has been very nice not having to get up so early and having some unstructured days for a change. They go back to school on Monday, hopefully they had as much fun as I did. I will try to be better with my posting, since nothing happens all the time and after all, that's what this blog is about.
PS I'm the operator with my pocket calculator....

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Good News, Bad News

Here is the good news--Tomorrow we are flying to Seattle because Max entered the Stockstock film festival and his short film was one of 25 selected to be shown at the Seattle Art Museum tomorrow night. We had gotten vouchers for a free flight from Alaska Airlines bacause of a flight delay back in July, so we decided to go. I used to really enjoy being spontaneous, but those were the days when I didn't have every day booked with something, I had to cancel church, a picnic, and physical therapy just to be gone overnight! Yikes. Anyway, I have never been to Seattle so we are going to try to cram a bunch of touristy stuff into our one day. You just never know where life is going to lead you I guess.
Which brings me to the bad news--On Tuesday a pipe burst underneath my sink and ruined the floor in my kitchen, family room and bathroom. The disaster cleanup people came and currently there are 5 industrial strength fans running 24 hrs a day in my house to dry out the walls. The noise is awful, we are mostly staying in the bedrooms with the door closed because we can't stand it. They will be running until Tuesday, which goes back to the good news because now we will be gone for 2 days while the fans are running.
It's all quite an adventure.
P.S. thank God for homeowner's insurance.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Church Chat

This morning I went to my church's membership class, which is the class you attend when you are fairly new there and you want to become a member. Well, I have been going to my church for almost 5 years. It is really not a big deal whether or not you are a member, nobody pressures you or anything. I have always volunteered, been a part of things and felt totally at home there. And because we are moving in less than a year it would have been easy to just not ever become a member. But I felt I owed it to the church which has been so faithful to me, to be faithful to it. I equate it to living together without the benefit of marriage, it's time to make it official.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Hooked on Fake Knitting

I do not know how to knit. My grandma taught me how to crochet when I was a girl, and that makes me a crocheter. I have tried to learn how to knit on a few occasions, but I just can't get the hang of it. Recently though, I found this thing called a hat loom. This loom enables you to "knit" a hat without actually learning how to knit. Well, this has opened up a whole new world to me, I am not only a crocheter anymore, I can "knit"! This is the equivalent of heating up a Mrs. Smith's pie and proclaiming to be a baker. But I don't care! Armed with my new "skill", I am making beanies left and right, equipping my family to withstand the ravages of the harsh Monterey winter! Really, that's not true for two reasons: a) Monterey's winters are anything but harsh, and b) my boys refuse to wear the butt-ugly hats I am churning out. But I remain undaunted! Next year, when we move to Spokane, and I get stuck in a snowdrift, I will be easily spotted in my lifesaving neon rainbow beanie!

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

The Past Week

I have been very sad all week, I'm sure you all know why. I have been praying like crazy, I hope my prayers helped. The enormity of this thing is unfathomable to me. I will keep watching CNN and FOX until this story ends. But this is a story that will never really end, certainly not happily. I feel guilty for having petty problems, I pray I will never know what real problems are. I love you all.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

The Fair

I ate a corndog.

I watched Tower of Power and I ended up sitting by my ex next door neighbors Garth and his mom. Garth is 2 years older than me and his sister Chris is 1 year younger. Every time I see Garth I think about the time that Chris & I fed him a dog food sandwich and told him it was meatloaf. Boy those were the good old days.

I saw the chickens.

My children won salad dressing.

I entered the raffle to win a quilt.

The fair has basically stayed the same since I was a kid. And I'm sure that next year will be just like this year with one exception--we won't be there. We will be in Washington.

But someday I will go to the fair again. And it will be just the same. Maybe I will run into Garth. And if I do I will apologize for the dog food sandwich thing.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Dilemma in Panda Express

So today the boys and I are eating at Panda Express and this woman comes out of the bathroom and she has a paper toilet seat cover sticking out of the back of her pants. She had a friend with her and I kept waiting for the friend to notice but she never did, then they sat down and I wanted to say something politely to alert her but I didn't have the words. "Excuse me, but you brought something out from the bathroom and you might want to go put it back" "You need to go back into the bathroom and check yourself" or how about this one, "Hey, if you are flushing the toilet, and you notice that the toilet seat paper is not in the toilet, you might think about where that paper might be!" Anyway, we left and I never told her. All I know is that if that happened to me that I would appreciate being told. And you know how these things come around. Now I can never again use a toilet seat paper because it will end up hanging out of my pants and nobody will tell me!

Sunday, August 07, 2005

I followed the Yellow Brick Road

You simply have not lived until you have heard a theatre full of people singing along to "the Wizard of Oz". It's great. The next time I find a dead gopher or mouse on my porch from the cats I will be sure to sing...

"As coroner, I must aver
I thoroughly examined her,
And she's not only merely dead,
She's really most sincerely dead!"

Tra la la la la, la la la, la la la, Tra la la la la, la la!

I wonder what my neighbors will think of that!

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Garage Sale Alert!!

Del Rey Oaks is holding it's annual neighborhood-wide garage sale this Saturday July 31. So, all my friends and family, you all should come, it's really a good one. We are most likely going to be participating, so come by and say hi, unless you gave me a gift that I only pretended to like, then stay away, at least until your gift has been sold!
We are back from Spokane, we miss it already and can't wait to go back in winter. We are all pumped up to move, therefore we are furiously decluttering for the garage sale. Woohoo!

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Dreaming in Haiku

I had a lot of dreams last night. Nothing particularly noteworthy, but was bizarre was that as I was dreaming, I was also narrarating my dreams in Haiku. And they were really good haikus too. I even remember thinking to myself, oh man I'm never going to remember these when I wake up. But I will try to do some different haiku here to explain my dreams.

In an empty church
Sitting with my good friend Steve
Laughing till we cried

I took my cat out
to the local symphony
and she ran away

Blossom ran outside
went down into the sewer
I could not reach her

Anyway, you get the drift. I feel like the narraration helped me to remember the dreams better. Maybe tonight I could do limericks!

Monday, July 11, 2005

God is not my co-pilot. He is my pilot.

Next week we are going to Spokane on a fact finding mission. We will be investigating schools for Leo, colleges for Max, real estate, churches, gyms and bowling alleys, because those are the places we hang out. I keep telling my kids that this is not a vacation, we are going to be busy driving around a lot and talking to people, but as long as they get to go bowling and hang out with Uncle Buzzy it is a vacation to them. It will be nice to get away, for sure.
I feel like I am on this huge adventure and I'm not sure where I'll end up. I just keep praying for God's guidance, and I have faith that He will guide me through whatever, wherever.
So let's go!

Friday, July 08, 2005

My Values

I am taking a class at church called "Life Keys". It's all about discovering who you are, what you like, what you are good at, what God created you to be, and living all that stuff out to your full potential for God. Last night's class was about finding out what our values are. We had 51 values to choose from and had to pick our top eight. Here are mine in no specific order: Happiness, Love, Humor, Family, Religious Beliefs, Friendship, Authenticity, Financial Security. And here are the ones that I placed little or no value on: Advancement, Prestige, Power, Conformity, Competition.
So basically I do not want to get ahead in life, I just want to be myself and be happy loving God and my family and friends. But at the same time I want to be financially secure. Maybe I should start playing the lotto!

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Steve and Mike are funny.

You have to understand. I have known Mike since kindergarten and Steve since 2nd grade. They are my chosen family and I love them as such. But they are big military weirdos. And they have always been this way. When we were in grade school and I would walk my dog Winnie down at the park, there they would be, staging their elaborate plans to dam up the creek. I mean, they had written plans. They were 8 years old! And they were always saying things like "aye aye captain".
Flash forward 35 years. Now Steve and his girlfriend rent out my garage and Mike rents out the shed in my backyard. Yes, I am a slumlord to my best friends, nobody seems to mind, in fact they like it. Anyway...when we all get together about once a week, the subject always eventually turns to war. Not necessarily the war we are in now, it could be any war. Maybe even a war the we didn't fight in. All this military talk spills over into their civilian talk. Like, when Mike puts some more beer into the cooler he says "I have reloaded the magazine, Captain". Mike's shed is referred to as The Command Module, so occasionally I will get a phone call like this--"We will be meeting in the command module for libations at 1800 hours, we have secured the perimeter and we will expect you for roll call, that is all" okaaayyy. These people have never been in the military except in their minds. And maybe it's a guy thing. But it cracks me up when they do that. So when I get the call I just say "aye aye, Commander" and then I report for duty.

There will be food...

Boy, will there ever. All the roommates have tomorrow off, today we went to Costco where Mike proceeded to buy 2 racks of lamb, a bunch of New York steaks, a ton of potatoes to bake with all the fixings and a huge bag of romaine to make a gigantic caesar salad. Apparently we are going to eat. And eat. And then eat some more. I am still full from lunch! But it should be fun because Mike is a chef and he's the one cooking not me.
We watched Live 8 on mtv today. May I just say that I hate mtv and if I were still swearing there would be a whole string of swear words right now because they kept cutting off the bands halfway through a song or talking over them. This became especially upsetting during Pink Floyd's set. Hopefully they will release a dvd.
I was just informed by chef Mike that he needs the kitchen to be ready for use in 45 min. Gotta go tidy it up.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Bicycling to Spokane

I started going to the Sports Center April 30. The main reason I go is to help rehab my foot from surgery I had in January. But it would be nice if I got less fat and more fit while I was at it. I go 4-5 times a week. No less fat so far, but I do have a bit more energy and I find I now get full faster when I eat. So that's cool.

When I started riding the recumbent bike (that's all I can do for now, no treadmill, etc), I rode for 20 minutes at level 2 with no hills. Now I go 40 min at level 6 with hills. I think that is progress even if I'm not losing weight.
In order to keep myself motivated I keep track of the mileage on the bike and chart my progress on a road map. I decided that since we are moving to Spokane in a year, that is where I will bicycle to. As of today I have gone 150.9 miles, I am to Stockton. Only 950 miles to go!

Monday, June 27, 2005

On Cooking

I wish I liked cooking. If I liked cooking a tenth as much as I liked eating, I would be a great cook. I remember my mom calling me to the kitchen, telling me to watch her cook because I would need to know how someday. I said I'm sorry mom, I will never need to know how to cook cauliflower, sauerkraut or anything else she would make. I survived my childhood eating sandwiches.
Anyway, in retrospect, I probably should have watched her. I am now totally inept in the kitchen. Oh, I have 3 or 4 dishes that I do well all the time, but mostly when it comes to cooking I am daunted and overwhelmed. I envy people like my sister or my friend Kim, who can put stuff together without a recipe and are not afraid to be creative and try new things in the kitchen.
The reason for all this rambling is, tonight my son Max made dinner. Grilled cheese sandwiches. Now, my idea of a grilled cheese sandwich is 2 Kraft singles melted on some square-shaped wheat bread. Max's grilled cheese sandwiches are works of art, made with swiss or muenster cheese on dill rye bread with tomatoes, fresh dill, horseradish and topped with grated romano cheese. He is a very creative and artistic person in general, and he just naturally applied that creative artistry to cooking. At least I know he will never starve, actually he will eat pretty well.
And when I get old and can't live by myself, I will lobby to go live with him!

Saturday, June 25, 2005

I have a free evening!

Leo is going to a sleepover and Max is spending the night over at his dad's, so I get a night off. A whole night off, all the way thru to morning, is extremely rare. So I decided to take full advantage of it. I'm going to get some boxes from behind a store and use them to pack up all the stuff for the neighborhood-wide yard sale that is coming at the end of July.
I enjoy working at night. It seems like more fun somehow. I don't feel like I'm wasting precious daylight and pleasant temperatures on drudgery.
I have to be ruthless in my sorting out what stays and what goes. I do not want to pay to have a bunch of useless stuff moved to Washington next year. I only want to take things that are useful or meaningful. If I haven't made a Bundt cake in 15 years, I think it's probably time to get rid of the Bundt pan.
I have also become somewhat less sentimental over things in general, therefore the electric grill my grandma gave me 25 years ago that I never use should probably go as well. But I don't know. I have kept it all these years because it was hers, she gave it to me out of her kitchen. The quilted plastic cover for it is torn and stained, she must have grilled a lot of stuff on it for her and my grandpa who died when I was 4. You can't just replace those memories with a Lean Mean Fat Grillin Machine, you know?

Scratch the part about being less sentimental. This is going to be a long night.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

TP Talk

I have visited many public restrooms in my life. And I have noticed that there are several different types of toilet paper dispensers in them. There are the little square boxes that you have to stick your finger way up into the slot to get ahold of the flimsy squares of tp. There are the big plastic ones that hold 2 rolls and if you're lucky you can get twice the tp by grabbing the end of each roll. And then there are the giant round ones designed to hold one huge roll of tp.
Well, it seems my travels lately have taken me to several restrooms that have the big round tp holder. Target, the local cineplex, and SBC Park to name a few. Whenever I am in these restrooms I always berate myself because I just can't seem to ever tear the tp off on the perforation, I always end up ripping it.
Then at the Giants game on Tuesday (maybe it was the lighting in the bathroom) I took a good long look at the toilet paper and guess what---THERE ARE NO PERFORATIONS!!!! I went back to my seat and told my boys of my discovery and they said something to the effect of "Duh, Mom, the tp holder has a metal-toothed tear strip, how could you not notice that!"
So all this time I have been a frustrated bathroom-goer, when in reality I am just a really unobservant one.

Why wasn't I informed?

My tenant Steve brought over the Weekly World News the other day. Did you know---apparently, God has a wife. Her name is Miriam, but she prefers to be referred to as Mrs. God. They would have been married sooner, but there was an argument over the prenuptual agreement that God had drawn up. They are depicted as your average married couple, although they have different interests. While Mrs. God likes to go dancing, God prefers to spend his time creating new universes. And while Mrs. God likes to shop, God would rather smite sinners and bestow forgiveness on people.
And you know it's all true, it has been confirmed by some bishop at the Vatican! Evidently they communicate with angels there. The reason this is all coming out now is that Mrs. God is writing her memoirs. Look for her book signing at a Borders near you!
I need to talk to my pastor.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

We are bowlers, hear us roar

I come from a bowling family. When I was a kid my older brother and sister were championship bowlers and acquired many trophys and other awards. when they got older my mom bowled in a league with them, I remember many a night trying to fall asleep on the plastic curvy benches while my family bowled. When I was 10 my mom started working at Fort Ord Bowl and worked there for 15 years until she retired. In the summers when I used to get in trouble at home she would make me come to work with her so she could keep an eye on me. And when I started dating my ex, one of the first things we did as a couple was join a bowling league. Needless to say, I am no stranger to the bowling alley.
So on Memorial Day my kids and I were at my sisters for a barbeque, and she pulled out all her old bowling patches and certificates. My kids were very interested. Then she went into the garage and brought out her old bowling ball- shiny, blue and personalized with her name SUSAN. She also showed us my mom's old ball, green and named ERNA. We started bowling on her lawn and had a fine time. Previously to this, my brother had given my 16 year old son Max his old ball, black and named RICK.
Then something happened.
Our local bowling alley gave passes to all the school kids in our town, entitling them to one free game of bowling every day all summer long. You probably know where this is going.
We are at the lanes now 6 days a week, my kids joined a youth league and are getting bowling instruction on Saturdays, and they now have their own balls, bags and shoes. Max is bowling with RICK and 11 year old Leo is bowling with ERNA. They make me enter all their scores on a spreadsheet at home and compute their averages for that day, because you know they are not only bowling the one free game, oh no, they are bowling 3 games every day.
Today they both bowled their all time high scores, Max got a 176 and Leo got a 141. Not bad for 3 weeks of bowling fever. They immediately called my brother and sister and told them the good news.
I just know my mom is looking down from heaven and laughing. I remember hearing her voice over the loudspeaker at her work as she got the leagues started--"GOOD LUCK AND GOOD BOWLING!"

Welcome everybody, how is your hair

I have decided to create a blog. Not sure why. I enjoy reading other peoples blogs. I don't have anything funny or snarky to say, really. But something funny or snarky might percolate up from my ramblings once in a while.
I feel this is a big life decision. The other big life decision I made this week is that I decided to quit coloring my hair for a while. Actually that is a huge life decision. I have colored my hair since my mid 20's and now I'm 43. I color every 7-8 weeks and my hair grows fast, so usually there is a dark stripe running down the middle of my head right before I get touched up.
Well, not this time. This time the stripe is silver. SILVER!!
Now there have always been silver strands here and there, but a silver stripe is something new. This development mysteriously coincides with an increased amount of hair falling out of my head. My beautician Veronica will neither confirm nor deny a connection between the two, but she did say something about hormones (which get the blame for everything once you hit 40).
Anyway, something about silver hair appeals to me at the moment. So I'm gonna let it grow for a little while at least. I may go running back to Veronica saying "I don't care if it all falls out, just color it!", we will have to see.
Well now you have an idea of the tone of this blog. Read at your own peril.