Sunday, April 13, 2008

In Which I Use The Word "Toilet" Eleven Times--Wait, Make That Twelve. Or, How To Lose Your Mind In Seven Easy Steps

Here are the events as they happened:

1) Leo broke my toilet seat. Says he sat on it funny and it just broke. Whatever.
2) Procured new toilet seat yesterday at the Airway Heights Walmart. Threw away receipt.
3) Couldn't get my old toilet seat off my toilet today. Tried for half an hour. Turns out I was doing it wrong. Leo got it off in like 5 seconds.
4) Started to clean the toilet but ran out of toilet bowl cleaner. Prayers that I had not created mustard gas when I switched cleaners were answered.
5) Took shrink wrap off of new toilet seat and discovered that I need a 9/16 wrench to install it. Cannot find said wrench or even pliers. Decision made to go to hardware store. By this time you could say that I was irritated but that would be an understatement.
6) On the way to the car, a socket set was found, a complete one! Excitedly run upstairs to install toilet seat.
7) Place toilet seat on toilet and realize that the seat is way too small for the toilet.

At this point I had two choices. I could walk away and deal with it later. Or I could throw a hammer through my bathroom window. I walked. I'm sure it did not feel nearly as good as throwing the hammer would have, but I am trying to set an example here. After dinner I will try again to deal with the situation. So if you are walking down Elm Street this evening and you hear glass breaking and see a flying hammer, you will know what happened.

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