Changes

I am blogging again! I know! Go see me on my other blog, Eat, Knit, Bike!

Surprise!

I have been thinking about starting up the blog again but I don't know, seems like more work than fun.
BUT it is a good place to come to when you don't feel like paying your bills.
Still don't have a lot to say.
Oh, I could say a lot, but why?
I think that maybe one of the reasons that I don't feel the need to write so much is that I get plenty of talking done in my real life. There's knit night, which is like a really loud, funny, off-color episode of The View, but with knitting! That is my favorite time of the week. Plus there are a lot of other things I do with friends, and when you add Facebook to that, I am just all talked out.
Back when I was doing the blog a lot, the kids were younger and needed me more, I didn't get out much at all, I wasn't working, and then I moved up here where I didn't know anybody, but all those circumstances are different now.
I would like to thank my blog for being here to catch all the blather that I spewed daily when I didn't have live people to spew it to.
Spew! Just wanted to say it one more time.
So that's it. Later this morning I will be meeting some friends from work for brunch at a buffet, or as we like to call it, Baconfest. Then I will be home most of the weekend because the inspector who the rest of you know as my sister is coming on the 20th, and I have to clean this house in a big way. So for the two if you who will read this, thanks and have a great weekend!

I Guess You Had To Be There

So I was reading this blog a while back, and I came across an expression I never heard before. It was "Grinning like a possum eating shit off a hairbrush." This prompted a flurry of questions in my head:
1) What??
2) Why is the possum eating shit?
3) And why is he grinning about it?
4) Does shit taste better to a possum when served on a hairbrush?
5) And why is shit on a hairbrush to begin with?
I have no answers for any of it.
Fast forward to last Monday, when Max and I were at Red Robin having burgers. I had just recounted the above story to him, and he was as mystfied as I was. So we are sitting there and at Red Robin they always put fun stuff on their coasters:




So, fresh off the above conversation, I write this:




I show it to Max, and after we debate whether or not "eat shit off" is a verb (I say it is), he grabs the pen and writes this:




Which prompts huge fits of laughter from both of us. I tell you, laughs come cheap in this family. How fortunate that we are so easily entertained!

Unfortunately

So I was surfing knitting blogs today and I found this post where there is a meme that all you do is google the word Unfortunately and your name, then you post the top ten results. So I did it, and here are mine.

1) Unfortunately, Karla and millions of others do not know that high blood cholesterol is nothing to worry about.

2) Unfortunately, Karla’s trust in this individual proved to be misplaced and due to her inexperience it only became apparent after an extended period of time.

3) Unfortunately, Karla has also tested positive for the same BRCA abnormality.

4) Unfortunately, Karla's interview was accidentally taped over; therefore, no quotations could be included.

5) Unfortunately Karla's case was not an isolated one.

6) Unfortunately, Karla applied too much; her sister vomited and choked to death.

7) Unfortunately Karla is from Canada and cannot remember the exact location of the store.

8) Unfortunately Karla is leaving Brisbane and you will need to make use of your voucher by the end of February.

9) Unfortunately, Karla developed Pyometria and was never bred from - a real pity, since she is a lovely bitch with excellent qualities and a great bloodline.

(I can't tell you how hard I laughed when I read that one.)

10) Unfortunately, Karla stated that it was determined that the well is no longer serviceable.

I am glad that none of these poor Karlas are me, although I could be described as a lovely bitch with excellent qualities.

You should try it and see what comes up for you.

Blogging Is Funny That Way

One day you decide to start a blog and you start writing stuff down, and pretty soon everything in your head runs through a "is this blogworthy?" filter. All your most meaningless and stupid thoughts are out there for everyone to see, too bad only 3 people are looking and they are your family and know all your stuff anyway.

Then you move and you use the blog to chronicle your new life in a new place that is so different from the place you were. It is all very interesting and photo worthy for about 2 years until you realize "hey, I blogged about this last year" and discover that life has settled down and there is really nothing new to report.

And then you discover Facebook, you find all your friends on it, and you find that all your desire to blog has vanished and that you can satisfy your need to be heard in one or two sentences a few times a week.

Well, that about sums it up.

This does not mean that I will never blog again, it just explains my absence here. I can be found on Facebook these days. Come be my friend! Don't worry, I will not try to send you drinks, flowers, or ghetto snacks. And I won't be informing you of my Fairy name, Mafia name, or Hip Hop name. And I will not be telling you which Buffy the Vampire Slayer character I am most like. You will just get my former blog blathering in smaller doses.

I have this other blog called Knitmare on Elm Street, which I do not post to either because someone invented Ravely which is like Facebook, only for knitters. I have toyed with the idea of revving that blog up to chronicle my adventures in knitting but as of now I am too lazy for it. Maybe with summer coming there will be more time.

So that's it for now. Hope to see you somewhere sometime. Over and out.

The Last Line Is Sarcasm

I was young once. I remember it well. Actually most of my memories are hazy but the funny ones are more vivid. So anyway, when I was in Junior High, my friends and I would gather at my house after school, because there was no parental supervision to keep us from running amok. One of things we enjoyed was making prank phone calls. We did the typical stuff--"Is your refrigerator running?" "Do you have Prince Albert in a can?", it was silly fun. I kind of feel sorry for kids today, as the advent of caller ID has taken all the fun out of prank calls. I always felt like my kids would have been great prank callers, hilarious ones. During Max's middle school years, I felt sorry for the telemarketers who called us because he would turn it back on them in the most creative and funny ways. Once he told a telemarketer not to call anymore because his mother was passed out drunk on the couch and that she would beat him again if the phone woke her up. I know that as the parent I am supposed to give disapproving looks and lectures about that stuff, but as always I just laughed.

Now Leo is a ninth grader, the perfect prank calling age. When I got home from work today I found out that Leo made a prank call. A brilliant one, for two reasons:
1) He used someone else's cell phone.
2) He called the headquarters of the KKK and asked if he could join their club, and would it be a problem because he was black.

I cannot believe I high-fived my son for making a prank phone call. I'm a great mom.

All Caught Up

I had big plans for today. Clean the house thoroughly, take stuff to the recycling place, go grocery shopping. However, none of that got accomplished. Here's what did get done:
1) An hourlong phone conversation with my best friend during which I attempted to get her to meet me in California in July for the Feast of Lanterns. This invitation goes out to all my other friends too.
2) Other long phone conversations with friends.
3) Knitting! Finished a washcloth and a baby sock which is the cutest little thing!
4) Watched TV. An hour of Heroes, 4 hours of Lost, Gone Country, Suze Orman, and some show that's like Extreme Home Makeover except it's a mobile home in a trailer park.
5) Took a nap.
So as you can see, I may not have gotten done what I wanted to get done, but I definitely got what I needed to get done, done.
OK I'm done.